I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
