Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
