The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
