Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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