Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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