Im at strip club and am horny
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
