I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
