her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
