yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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