Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
