oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Randomize
