did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
