I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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