If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
