Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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