ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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