i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
