i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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