Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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