I'm jealous of your bromance
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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