Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
