Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
