I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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