Have you finally orgasmed yet?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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