it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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