I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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