I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
