i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
