trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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