too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
