Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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