There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
