So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
