SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
