party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
