great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
