just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
