She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
