And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
