Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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