I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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