i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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