she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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