Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
