You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my shit smells like andre
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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