dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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