Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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