I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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