It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
