Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Im part way to drunk.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
