I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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