Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
