Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
