I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We are all done wearing pants today
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
