My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
