C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
People with herpes should wear stickers.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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