I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You dont lie about slip and slides
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
