You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
