im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
