I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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