Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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