I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
