It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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