I skipped work to stalk him.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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