Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
