Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
