While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
