You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
