Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
