U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
