hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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