dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
fuck your aforementioned shoe
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
