So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
