i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
