He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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