Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
