My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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