i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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