Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I'm really busy with my period
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