i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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