I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.