Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want to ride his face like a jet ski