Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
