Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.

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  (614): Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis. http://tfl.nu/937p
  Replies (25) Good night (2486) Bad night (848)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.

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  (971): There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home. http://tfl.nu/78m4
  Replies (15) Good night (4074) Bad night (732)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...

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  (320): Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs... http://tfl.nu/sf3t
  Replies (56) Good night (1464) Bad night (4200)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?

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  (979): we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us? http://tfl.nu/rk36
  Replies (25) Good night (4513) Bad night (1045)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.

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  (757): I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day. http://tfl.nu/wt3s
  Replies (22) Good night (5760) Bad night (937)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.

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  (281): I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve. http://tfl.nu/asc9
  Replies (6) Good night (6720) Bad night (1123)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar

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  (580): I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar http://tfl.nu/19bx
  Replies (6) Good night (989) Bad night (2067)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.

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  (203): The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/eiym
  Replies (6) Good night (759) Bad night (1772)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.

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  (978): The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty. http://tfl.nu/l80d
  Replies (10) Good night (1987) Bad night (501)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.

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  (575): Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier. http://tfl.nu/k0qx
  Replies (6) Good night (573) Bad night (1362)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.

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  (757): So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied. http://tfl.nu/fpwe
  Replies (6) Good night (650) Bad night (503)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.

  (206): View more from Washington

  That would've been embarrassing.

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  (419): Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night. (206): That would've been embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/nb0e
  Replies (7) Good night (1151) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gonna be tough to beat that next year!

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  (508): So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party. (508): Gonna be tough to beat that next year! http://tfl.nu/374f
  Replies (2) Good night (751) Bad night (280)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer

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  (604): Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer http://tfl.nu/ixyo
  Replies (7) Good night (350) Bad night (1068)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.

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  (516): I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life. http://tfl.nu/l6bp
  Replies (0) Good night (503) Bad night (273)

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