I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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