He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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