Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
