just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
