Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
